Chapter #32: Turkey For One, Please
How to spend Thanksgiving alone
Feeling My Shelf is a bi-weekly newsletter about books, life, and well, life with books. Grab your favorite caffeinated beverage and get comfy. First up, some recent reads.
Quarterlife by Satya Doyle Byock
Are you a Stability Type or a Meaning Type? In this insightful read, psychotherapist Satya Doyle Byock takes on the often-overlooked years of early adulthood—the quarterlife. According to Byock, there’s two types of quarterlifers: Stability Types, the overachiever kind, who’ve checked all the boxes but feel unfulfilled, and freethinking, freewheeling Meaning Types, who feel left behind. It’s relatable and thought-provoking without being preachy or stuffy. A good read for anyone struggling with the in between years.
Maybe Next Time by Cesca Major
In this time loop story, a stressed working mother in a strained marriage loses her husband at the end of a busy Monday only to wake up, and it be Monday morning all over again. And again. And again. And again. I laughed! I cried! I was shocked by the twists! And what an ending.
The Build Up by Tati Richardson
This dual POV workplace romance follows two architects at a firm in Atlanta. It’s a quick read that touches on grief, fatphobia, classism, and sexism. But don’t let that deter you. It’s also funny, steamy, and full of 90s pop culture references, which made me smile profusely.
I’ve spent five out of the last eight Thanksgivings alone.
It’s something that I hadn’t realized until I was talking to my therapist the other day. In the small talk portion of my session, she asked me about my upcoming plans, to which I gave a shrug and replied, “I don’t know yet. I’ll probably go to the movies.” (Which I totally am, by the way, to see this Thanksgiving slasher.) I realized then that she has a terrible poker face. A mixture of confusion and pity crossed it. I was equally confused by her confusion based on the fact that I a) live alone and b) do 95% of things alone all the time.
Apparently, it’s taboo to say that I like being alone. Yes, even on holidays. Though admittedly, this wasn’t always the case.
The first Thanksgiving I spent alone was 2015, a month after moving to Brooklyn, NY. I was leaning against the refrigerator door of our small kitchen while one of my roommates (native to the area) walked back and forth between her bedroom and our bathroom—her boots click clacking across the laminate floor. She extended an invite to her family’s dinner once again. Our other roommate had already left to go home to her family in Philadelphia days earlier, so it would just be me, my self and I in the three-bedroom apartment. I shook my head and said that I’d be fine. She sighed and said she would bring me something back—probably dessert—when she finally headed out.
Eventually, I moved from my spot against the refrigerator to our small grey futon and stretched out. Staring at the ceiling, I wondered what the hell I was thinking. New to the city, nearly 1,500 miles from my family, and I had turned down an invite for free food? My stomach had the nerve to growl just then, which only contributed to the growing regret in my chest. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away.
I made a promise to myself at that moment that I would not be the token lonely girl. Am I alone? Yes. Does it kind of suck? Yes. In a perfect world, would I be with my family? Yes. Will I sit around moping? Absolutely not. I jumped up to grab my laptop and Googled “thanksgiving dinners to go.” Roughly two hours later, I was back on the futon eating turkey and mashed potatoes and watching cheesy holiday movies. The food didn’t taste like home, but instead, a new beginning.
Year after year, I’ve continued to turn down invites to friends’ family dinners, and instead embraced my own company.
The best part of spending Thanksgiving alone is the freedom it gives me. There's no need to meet others' expectations or follow traditional norms. Or eat food prepared by others with questionable (or non-existent) cooking skills. I get to do exactly what I want. Even if that is eating multiple slices of pie while dancing around in my underwear.
Some things to do solo on Thanksgiving
Get outside. Walk and get coffee, crunching the leaves that line the sidewalk with your sneakers.(I mean if you’re not in Los Angeles like me, and actually get to see a pile of fall foliage.)
Make a fancy holiday breakfast. People, let’s normalize eating breakfast before the main feast.
Read that book that you’ve been saying you’re going to read, but haven’t really had time to read. Anyone else behind on their reading goal?
Alternatively, watch that show that your friend told you watch, but you kept putting off. If it’s bad you can always watch something else.
Get crafty. I mean, who says adults can’t make hand turkeys?
Book recs inspired by some of my favorite Thanksgiving TV episodes
Last year, I wrote about how there’s a lack of books that take place around Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, that’s still the case. While we wait for the publishing industry to catch up, dive into one of these books that remind me of turkey day episodes.
Adult Assembly Required by Abbi Waxman
In New Girl, Season 4, Episode 9: ”Thanksgiving IV,” the loft crew hosts a “Bangs-giving,” themed dinner party, where everyone is required to bring a date for someone else. Adult Assembly Required follows some equally-quirky characters in a Los Angeles boarding house.
Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory
In Girlfriends, Season 1, Episode 9: ”Fried Turkey,” Joan, a lawyer, (Tracee Ellis Ross) finds herself spending Thanksgiving alone after her friends bail on her, and randomly meets another attractive lawyer while dining out. Party of Two also features a chance meeting between a lawyer and a politician, who soon find themselves smitten with each other.
One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle
Mother-daughter duo, Rory (Alexis Bledel) and Lorelai (Lauren Graham), find themselves attending not one, not two, but four Thanksgiving dinners in Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 9: “A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving.” Similarly, One Italian Summer centers around an incredibly-close daughter and mother who go on a different type of adventure set against the backdrop of the Amalfi Coast.
Bookish things that I’m grateful for this year
📖 The Libby app, which has saved me so much money
✏️ A writing group that’s pretty spectacular
✨ This feature in
filled with book recs and insight into my reading routine😉 The people reading this newsletter (hey that’s you!)
Alexa Martin is one of my auto-buy authors, and I’m very excited to dive into Next-Door Nemesis, a rom-com that follows two rival candidates competing for a homeowner’s association presidency.
Need a book recommendation? Take the coolest, weirdest literary quiz on the internet. How Rebecca Yarros packed dragons, magic and steamy sex into a blockbuster fantasy. The surprising science that explains why we love thrillers. Who is Hannah Grace? And why won’t she show her face? Food styling secrets behind the hit show Lessons In Chemistry. How has big publishing changed American fiction?
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Hmm...Ponders if I'm technically too old for Quarterlife but it sounds incredible.
My favorite Thanksgiving EVER was the one my husband and I spent with just 2 friends. Thanksgiving is chaotic. I love the food but the company is overwhelming to me. I'm glad you have some peace with the traditions you're making on your own. A walk + the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade are non-negotiables for me.
I'll be signing up to take that bookmatch quiz ASAP.
Over the years I've spent a multitude of holiday's alone. The first was the absolute worst before I dusted away my tears, decided to get out of bed, turn the TV off, take a shower and head out, no destination in mind.
That day I ended up eating at a prime rib buffet (I lived in Las Vegas at the time), gambled some slot machines, took in a movie, came home and read a great book, and got to sleep with a smile on my face. After that I worked most holidays... Until recently married, and now we hang and have a nice meal and enjoy being cozy. For me, it was about letting go; trying to recreate what I grew up with, spending time with family... Those times were priceless and never coming back, so I had to make it work in a way that made sense for me. This was a great read, and timely too. You may have saved someone a tear or two, their first one faces solo.