Chapter #04: Write Side of Life

How I feel about turning 29.

Feeling My Shelf is a bi-weekly newsletter about books, life, and well, life with books. Grab your favorite caffeinated beverage and get comfy. 

I’ve never been good at savoring things.

A tasty croissant? I scarf it down with reckless abandon. A guy is flirting with me? I’ve already planned our wedding. My least favorite trope? The slow burn. Got my “dream job?” I’m already thinking about what comes next. Always waiting for, wishing for, and thinking about the next thing. Needless to say, this practice has never worked out too well for me. Case in point: my wedding Pinterest board remains…a board.

Everyone says that your 30s are the best. It’s the decade that brings unbridled confidence and clarity. You begin to thrive, not just survive, because you’ve stopped giving a damn about what people think. Your twenties are essentially a warm up. For many years, I’ve been looking ahead, counting down the days until I reached that coveted age. But now, with it right around the corner, I can’t help but feel my feet slowing.

In the past, on my birthday, I’ve sat around contemplating every choice I’ve ever made. Analyzing what I did and making plans—like actual written plans—about what I’d do next and better. If there was a list to be made, I made it. And as I look back now, all I want to do is shake my younger self. She was, as they say, doing the most. There were so many great things happening to me, but I was too busy looking ahead to notice. To enjoy. To savor. Not anymore.

Ten days into 29, and all I want to do is savor the moment. To slow down and take a deep breath. To feel and taste every morsel that is the last year of my twenties. The highs and the lows. Fact: I’ll never be this young again. I mean, I’ll probably continue looking young because, you know, Black don’t crack. Although, my muscles have already begun to show signs of aging. Nonetheless, I want to sit here peacefully reading books. The future can wait, and yes, so can all of those adult responsibilities like dishes. Just one more chapter. Or seven.

Switching it up this week with a long list of book recommendations, old and new. They’re all about finding yourself, taking care of yourself, reinventing yourself, not taking yourself too seriously, and of course, savoring life. Both fiction and nonfiction.

1. I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan: A woman, feeling stuck and restless, decides to shake up her life, including quitting her job and taking another stab at love.

2. Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes by Alexa Martin: Two friends at seemingly different places in life, move in together and start a podcast. I laughed. I cried. I loved.

3. Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes: A book that encouraged me to stop dreaming, and start doing. 

4. Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid: If you're looking for funny, smart prose on race, being young, and trying to figure shit out, this is the book for you.

5. One True Loves by Elise Bryant: A funny, heartfelt story about shedding expectations and going after what truly makes you happy.

6. You Got Anything Stronger?: Stories by Gabrielle Union: “Dear Isis” is a must-read letter to an iconic Bring It On character.

7. Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers: I went in expecting just a good LGBTQ+ romance. Instead, I got this amazing story about starting over and finding yourself. 

8. Charming as a Verb by Ben Phillippe: In a nutshell, it’s about “the countless hustles we have to keep from doing the hardest thing: being ourselves.”

9. The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People by Rachel Wilkerson Miller: Includes actual advice — not just a bunch of buzzwords and useless-to-me personal anecdotes — for showing up for yourself and others.

10. It's Not All Downhill From Here by Terry McMillan: This book felt like eavesdropping on a conversation between my auntie and her friends. 

11. Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use by Amanda Seales: Part-memoir, part self-help. 

12. More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are by Elaine Welteroth: Part-manifesto, part-memoir.

13. Libertie by Kaitlyn Greenidge Set in the reconstruction era, it follows a woman who realizes she doesn’t want to become a doctor like her mother. 

14. Love Is A Revolution by Renée Watson: A beautiful, yet frustrating story about a teenage girl falling in love—of course, with a boy, but more importantly herself.

15. The Shortest Way Home by Miram Parker: On a getaway, to wine country, a woman falls in love with the grapes (and a man!) and charts a new path for her life.

16.  Meant to Be Mine by Hannah Orenstein: How would your life choices change if you knew exactly how things would pan out?

17. The Most Likely Club by Elyssa Friedman: A group of high school friends make a pact to finally achieve their senior superlatives.

18. Savvy Sheldon Feels Good As Hell by Taj McCoy: Body positive and full of food, a woman starts to “renovate” her life following a brutal breakup.

19.  The Bucket List by Georgia Clark: When a woman learns she has the breast cancer gene, she prepares to undergo a preventative double mastectomy. You know, after checking off everything on her “boob bucket list.”

20. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams: Queenie is reckless, messy, and in her twenties. Enough said.

21. Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon: A sheltered teenager with a severe autoimmune disorder that renders her unable to leave the house, falls for the boy who moves in next door.

22. Geekerella by Ashley Poston: A nerdy spin on Cinderella. 

23. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero: The title pretty much sums it up.

24. 30 Things I Love About Myself by Radhika Sanghani: A rom-com, but instead of falling in love with someone else, the main character sets out to fall in love with herself.

25. Southern Belle Insults #1: My Dear Friend Janet by Keke Palmer with Jasmine Guillory: A new wig can change your life. Just ask the protagonist of this (free!) short story collection, Janet.

26.  Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert: A chronically-ill computer geek makes a “get a life” list. 

27.  The Key to Happily Ever After by Tif Marcelo: Three sisters who own a wedding planning business struggle to keep the business and their own lives afloat. 

28.  Nothing But The Truth by Holly James: A woman wakes up on her birthday and realizes she can no longer tell a lie—not even to herself.

29.  How to Fail at Flirting by Denise Williams: Ah, another type-A character with a list, on a quest to live and let loose.

The oral history of The Sims. These Black women tv leads helped me lean into my selfish era. The adviser to Stacey Abrams on the importance of the midterm elections. How those “secret menu” hacks are making restaurant workers’ lives hell. Find you someone who looks at you like Usher looks at Issa Rae. Hot Girl Hospital, the medical drama we deserve!